The Sheikh and His Wives
Adapting to life with a Bedouin family in Jordan.
This article was awarded first place in Abroad View's 2009 Writing Contest for the International Relations category. It was published in Abroad View's fall 2009 magazine.
By Alexandra Halpern
I sat cross-legged on a mattress so thin I might as well have been on the hard floor. My legs were cramping and my feet rapidly going numb from my uncomfortable position. All I wanted was to hop up and bring relief to my stiff limbs, but as a polite and respectful female in a Bedouin Muslim household in northern Jordan, I was forbidden to show the soles of my feet or even stretch out my legs. All I could do to increase the flow of blood to my lower extremities was to constantly change position between crossing my legs, kneeling on my knees, and sitting on my side. Thus I passed the night with the sheikh Hamdan, his two wives, and their innumerable children.
The Bedouin culture is the mainstay of traditional life in Jordan. My host family lived in a village of about 200 people, 10 kilometers from the Syrian border. There were no restaurants, shops, or food stands like in Jordan’s capital, Amman. Here in Jordan’s northern badia region there seemed to be little more than rocks and sandy terrain on all sides of the village. Life in this arid land was simple and traditional.
I had an invitation to stay and experience real Bedouin life in the home of Sheikh Hamdan and his family. Around me sat 10 other women, chatting away excitedly in their local dialect, which I had laboriously tried to grasp for days without success. I understood only a fleeting word or two of the women’s quick chatter.
Every so often, my host sister Raya, Sheikh Hamdan’s daughter, would turn to me and translate into standard Arabic so that I wouldn’t be left out. Raya was my age, and like many girls in Jordan, she remained at home to help take care of the younger children, cook the meals, and even herd the pack of goats that were kept in a pen outside the home.
Though Raya was dressed in a casual long jean skirt and had a simple scarf tied loosely over her head, the rest of the women in the room were wearing black burqas or colorful hijabs. The wives of the sheikh were dressed more conservatively, wearing full burqas that covered everything but their eyes. They were taking turns going in and out of the men’s section of the house to serve tea and food to the sheikh’s male guests. The wives would take off their head coverings upon entering the women’s section and join our circle of gossip and laughter.
Every so often, the women would direct a question to me, to which I would respond with a shrug of confusion, always to be followed by a burst of laughter from the women. I looked helplessly at my host sister.
“They want to know what religion you are. Do you have brothers and sisters? A mother and father? Where do you stay in Amman?” Raya was slowly translating for me. I answered all of the questions in slow, stumbling Arabic, trying hard to employ the local slang. The women listened as if I were giving a sermon, helping me with language along the way. It seemed that no question was too open or too direct, and I was embarrassed at being the focus of such attention.
Meanwhile, children of all ages roamed the women’s side of the house, crawling in and out of our circle. One naked child slept soundly on a mattress next to us; I wondered how he could sleep through such commotion. Another child was being breast-fed by one of the wives. I wondered which child belonged to which wife, but each wife seemed readily responsible for each child. Beside me, the oldest woman I have ever seen held my arm tightly. She wore a black burqa with her face uncovered and had blue tattoos that ran down her forehead. Each time she spoke, the room grew quiet in reverence.
Upon arriving in Jordan, I was told that four percent of the population practices polygamy, so I was not shocked to find myself sitting with Amal and Zaynab, the two wives of the sheikh. I surveyed the two women closely, laughing and interacting in the group. Although both women maneuvered around the house as if they had lived there their whole lives, Raya explained that Amal lived in this house while Zaynab lived down the road, and the sheikh moved between the two. Zaynab was a large woman, and her hearty laugh filled the room. She told joke after joke, and though I couldn’t understand them, her bellow was contagious and I found myself laughing along. Amal was quieter, yet she resonated an unspoken pride in her home and family. The wives worked like a team, each one taking on the responsibility of tending to the men’s section when the other one finished her turn.
At first, it was strange for me to experience a polygamous household. I wondered if the women here felt it a violation of women’s rights, as it is often seen in the West, or if they felt pride in maintaining their very traditional lifestyle. And were the two wives really as amicable as they appeared? My previous perspective came solely from media and television, where multiple wives of the same husband had complex and tension-filled relationships. I looked closely for kinks in their bond, for signs of abnormalities. It did not, however, take me long to accept this very different way of life. Much like my reaction to the prevalence of the hijab or the sound of the call to prayer every morning when I first arrived in Jordan, I began to accept and consider their polygamous relationship normal after spending time with the sheikh’s family. The warmth of their family and their desire to share traditions helped me to overlook my original wariness of their relationships and embrace their culture.
I had truly grown to accept and adore my new family’s way of life. I heard Zaynab’s full laughter as Amal passed cups of Arabic coffee to all. The women continued to chat and laugh, enjoying the night. The countless children ran aimlessly, knocking into one another. I sat dizzily, limbs still tingling, unable to grasp the buzzing of local lingo as a steaming cup of coffee was passed to me.
Alexandra Halpern graduated from Brandeis University in May 2009 with a major in Middle Eastern Studies and English. She studied in Jordan and Tibet with World Learning/SIT Study Abroad (www.sit.edu).